Tag Archive | crafts

Life After Depression

Four years. Is that a long time? Or not? My instinct is to say it’s not. As I approach my 40th birthday, four years is a blip. But today, Facebook reminded me that it was four years ago that my life changed completely, and it feels like eons ago.

Four years ago last month, my dad died. Yep, it was hard. It pushed me into a dark place, a place I was on the verge of anyway. Suddenly I was no longer emotionally able to maintain my current life; I realized I wanted more. More than working 50 hours a week as a retail store manager. More than saying goodbye to my kids one morning and not seeing them again until the next night. More than asking my MIL to take care of my kids and take them to activities and pick them up when I couldn’t. More than seeing my mom twice a year when one of us could visit the other.

Thankfully, I’m married to the best man in the world. He agreed we could scale back the budget to allow me to quit my job and stay home with the kids while I figured out my next step. I didn’t know what it would be; I still don’t know if I’m “there” yet or what. But wow, what a difference those four years made in my life.

I see my kids every morning and I greet them when they get home from school. I’m able to drive my daughter to flute lesson and band camp and auditions and study sessions and all these other things that would have been impossible before. I’m able to get a few minutes of conversation with my almost-teenage son before he disappears into his room to play video games. We eat dinner together as a family every single night. Instead of a pet-free house, we have two dogs who bring me great comfort and joy.

And during the day, I create. In those four years, I finished and revised a book. A whole book, that I’m now sending to agents in hopes of getting it published. I’ve proofread books for clients, several books, and I love that process. I learned to crochet, and then knit, and I sell my little beauties to people who love them. Through the yarn, I’ve found a wonderful friendship with my Knitting SIL. Through this blog, I’ve found a wonderful community of writers and knitters and all-around fabulous people. As one of my readers commented, I have a very rich, creative life, and somedays I’m overwhelmed with how lucky I am.

Now I can’t imagine being where I was four years ago. Remembering the job itself makes me cringe. I do miss the people, my lovely Creeker family, but thankfully I still have many of them in my life.

I still miss my dad. Of COURSE I do. I desperately wish he were still here. But this seems to be the way it goes: you have to go through something terrible to get that push to do what you’re really meant to do. Life is short and all that jazz. I can tell you the words, but until something makes it true for you, it won’t work the same. At least that’s my theory. Losing my dad set in motion a chain of events, including getting my mom and siblings in the same town for the first time in decades, and having them all around me has been one of the best blessings ever. It brought us together; it helped me get through the hard times.

I’m happy now. My life is peaceful and joyful and colorful. Those four years were rough and bumpy and jagged and sharp, and now I feel like I’ve reached a smooth part, where the lows aren’t so low and I can get past them more quickly. Thank goodness for my husband, my kids, my mom and siblings, my puppies, the friends who were truly there for me when I was struggling. Thank goodness for kind, gentle doctors. Thank goodness for antidepressants and thyroid meds and melatonin. After three years of taking them, I’m almost completely off the happy pills and doing well, but I know they’re there if I ever need them again.

I am one of the lucky ones. I know many people, too many good people, who have struggled, will continue to struggle, with depression forever. So many times, depression is ongoing and constant, not the (relatively) short experience I had. So many times, the meds don’t work, or you can’t afford the meds, or you’re ashamed to ask for the meds. So many times, you don’t take the time to see a therapist because you think you can do it alone.

But sometimes you can’t, and THAT’S OKAY. Trying meds, even lots of different meds, is OKAY. Seeing a therapist is OKAY, probably one of the best things I did, and I highly recommend it to everyone, not just people suffering from depression. Don’t just say you’re “fine” if you’re not. Find one person you trust, and tell the truth. Let them help you.

Here’s what I’ve learned over four years:

Smoking DOES cause cancer, and cancer CAN kill you, and it SUCKS for everyone involved.
There can be beauty and great meaning in death.
Time does help heal. Wounds don’t go away, but you can find joy again.
A family of four can live on one salary. It’s hard sometimes, and I worry about money a lot, but this is still the best choice for me, for us.
Most people are truly kind.
It’s worth it to keep fighting. Life may be short, but it’s beautiful. Find the beauty.

Shawl Obsession

May18

I want to knit all the shawls. I’ve never been a shawl person, and for the longest time I wasn’t a shawl-knitting person. But lately I’ve been on a kick where I appreciate the shaping and the lace details and the magic that comes when you block it. I spent about an hour in my Ravelry library last night and matched yarn and patterns for five shawls! I know they won’t all happen anytime soon; I do have two shawls and a blanket in my WIPs at the moment, after all. But once those shawls are done, I’m pretty sure another one will take it’s place pretty quickly.

Speaking of shawls, fabulous designer Corrina Ferguson (aka picnicknits on Ravelry and Instagram) is having a Summer Shawl-a-Thon and is offering 55% off some of her shawl patterns! Check out the options right here. I have two in mind: Gloxinia and Madelia. I think I’m leaning toward Madelia, if only because it’s a bit smaller and I can finish it sooner. Plus many of the shawl patterns I love are narrower ones that can be worn like a scarf too. I’ve even got yarn in mind:

It’s DK weight, because I can only do so much in fingering before I go completely mad.

Now, this next part is going to completely contradict what I have just written, but I’ll do it anyway. I cast on a new project last night, bringing my number of WIPs to nine. And this project was started as a direct result of shawl-fatigue. I’ve been working on my Pink Diamonds shawl and my sister’s Marcelle Wrap and the mermaid blanket and I needed something cute and fast. Plus, as of today, it has been 52 days since I finished a hat, and that’s simply not acceptable. I am a hat knitter. They are my most favorite things to make ever. Nothing to do but to pull out a skein of Malabrigo Worsted and cast on another Duality hat for myself.

But I swear, as soon as this hat is done, I’m making all the shawls!

Awesome Project Bag

May17

No knitting photos to share today, sadly. I didn’t make it to the green stripes in the Marcelle Wrap (though I only have 10 rows left before I get there) so there’s not much to show. Instead, I’ll show you what I got in the mail.Isn’t that AWESOME??? I love Lionel Richie, and my husband’s text tone is a snippet from “Hello”. I first saw it in another knitter’s photo on Instagram, and of course I asked about it. I checked out The Yarn Stories, where she’d gotten it, and it was sold out. Thank goodness I’m on Instagram frequently, because the other day they posted they’d gotten restocked and there was ONE left. I was on the stationary bike exercising, but you can bet I went online and ordered that puppy while I was pedaling away. I’m delighted with it. It’s bigger than I was expecting, heavy and durable, and will hold at least a couple of projects. Now, I just checked and their website says they have ONE left, so if you want one, move fast!

I mostly played with yarn and watched TV yesterday, but by nine I was pooped so I retreated to my bed with my new book, a Mother’s Day gift from the girl (paid for with money from her first paycheck!!) and so far I’m loving it. Can’t go wrong with Clara Parkes. My only concert is that it’s too short. I think it will be done too quickly.

Now, today, I must ignore the sniffling/sneezing/coughing and do some errands, for a I can’t take a sick day every day. You can be sure that I will return to my couch and knitting as soon as possible, though. I hope you all have a sunnier, healthier day than I will!

Pink Lace Cowl

May16

The pink yarn project was a bust. I got to the end on Saturday, and it just wasn’t long enough to wear like I wanted. I frogged, and I wasn’t sad because I adore the yarn and loved knitting with it. I found another pattern, and before we left for the girl’s recital yesterday, I grabbed the needles I needed. Unfortunately, within four rows I realized I didn’t like the fabric. It was too loose. I have an image in my head of what I want this scarf to be, and I just can’t find the pattern that fits that image. SO, I guess I’m going to try to figure it out myself. I want it to be a horizontal scarf with tapered ends but I don’t know how many stitches to cast on. That means my first step is a swatch. ACK! I’m not a swatcher. I mean, I know how, and I would do it for something like a sweater, but I kind of hate it. Still, I love this yarn enough that I want the final product to be as close to perfect as possible. For pink cashmere, I will swatch!

I needed a break from that project before trying to design the pattern, though. I realized yesterday that I have very few solid color scarves/cowls in my hand knits, and since I wear a lot of striped/patterned shirts, I need more solids. Plus it’s getting warmer, so I need something cooler than dense wool. Again, I had an image in my head, but this time I got lucky in finding a pattern, and I finished my Lace Summer Cowl this morning.

Pattern is Summer Lattice Cowl and the yarn is SMC Select Juliette, a bulky pink cotton. I modified it to work in the round, rather than having to deal with seaming, so I cast on 120 stitches and just knit until I decided it was done. It’s exactly what I wanted, and now I just want to make myself ten more solid color cowls! But instead, I’m going to balance my knitting by working on some commissions for a bit. I started the Marcelle Wrap by Little Church Knits for my sister this weekend and so far the pattern is flying along. I can’t wait to get to the stripe section so I can add in the dark green.

Maybe I’ll get there today! For the first time in weeks, my entire day is empty, and I’ve got a yucky cold, so I’m going to plant myself on the couch and enjoy some binge-watching and knitting. Pretty sure I’ll have some furry friends keeping my company too.

A Choir Concert, with Pink Yarn

May14

Last night was a pretty neat evening. The girl is in the honor women’s choir at school, and last night was the spring concert. It’s their only fundraiser of the year, so they held it at a gorgeous church downtown and charged a small admission, and it was one of the best choir concerts I’ve ever been to. The acoustics were AMAZING, and the choir director chose the perfect pieces for the room. I have no idea how to post video on here, but if you find me on Instagram (I’m bonnyknits there too) you can see a snippet of their last song. All the choirs were upstairs, lining the balconies around the entire sanctuary, and their voices filled the room, and it was just…breathtaking. All the choirs sang beautifully, truly. I’m so glad my girl is involved in music, and I’m so glad we’re in a school district that values fine arts and has the resources to support them.

There’s the pretty girl (and the pretty mother too, even wearing her new turquoise scarf!). She’s moving into the concert choir next year (the mixed choir) and there’s a trip opportunity if we can get our fundraising gears going. It’s experiences like these that help me feel like we did the right thing in moving last year, even if it has been hard for the kids at times. Most of the time, I think they agree.

I had my knitting with me last night, too. I wanted a bit of easy selfish knitting so I grabbed my skein of Dream in Color Classy with Cashmere (Yep, it’s exactly as squishy and soft as you imagine) in Charged Cherry and cast on the Half Moon Scarf. So far, I’m loving it, and I’m loving knitting with this yarn, but I’m a little concerned my scarf won’t be quite long enough. We’ll see. Today the kids have auditions for an honor band, and then we have a family birthday party, so this will come along. But if it comes out too short, I think this is one instance where I wouldn’t mind frogging, if only so I can knit with this yarn again. At $30/skein, I’m not likely to get more of it anytime soon!

Hope you all have a lovely weekend; mine promises to be quite full and hectic!

Fast Lace, Knit & Crochet

May13

I have two Finished Objects to show off this Friday! As expected, I finished the turquoise shawl for the mother. I sent her a picture and she seems pleased with it. I know I am. I never get tired of this pattern. This is the fifth time making it, I think, and they now take just a couple of hours.

There were a little over 100 yards left in the ball, so I decided to make a knit scarf with the leftovers. Again, I repeated a pattern: My So Called Life Lacey Scarf. It’s another one that’s super easy and super fast. I started it during Jeopardy and finished it during the boy’s band concert. It’s not as long as I would have liked, but it’s still a wearable length.Just for fun, I made Jack model for me. He wasn’t pleased.

Today I get to cast on for something new! Happy Friday, friends!

Stop: Knitting Time!

May12

I finished the proofreading job last night, and while I enjoyed it, and enjoyed doing something different, I’m ready to get back to my yarn. Do you want to see my new yarns? Of course you do! Remember I was taking the mother to my LYS the other day to pick out yarn for a scarf? We had a lovely time browsing. I should take some photos of this store; it’s HUGE. SO MUCH YARN. We quickly found the yarn for her scarf, but she also wants an afghan, so we started looking for yarn for that, and that was a lot harder. Finally, she picked out a variegated peach/teal acrylic, but they didn’t have enough, and she didn’t want to add a solid color. Thankfully, with some help, we found a different brand of variegated that will go really well. I’ll hold one strand of each, and once it’s done, we’ll go back to the yarn store to pick out a solid for a border.

Nope, no photo of that yarn yet. I forgot to take one and right now I’m outside with the puppies and it’s upstairs and I’m just too plain lazy to go do that. You’ll see it another time, I promise.

Of course we also had to admire and pet and drool over the other pretty yarns, and she even bought me a present! Look at my gorgeous Lorna’s Laces Shepherd Bulky in Rainbow! I know it will be a cowl for me but I haven’t picked out a pattern yet. Right now it just decorates my desk.

With all the yarn admired, we paid and packed up, and you’ll be AMAZED to know that I bought NO YARN. That’s right: I spent no money! It helped that I was getting a skein as a little gift, but still, I was quite impressed with myself! So we headed off to lunch and errands, and then I got a call: the yarn store had forgotten to put her scarf yarn in the bag. I would have to pick it up on the way home. No problem, it was convenient.

Except. I remembered they’d had a coupon on Facebook. I hadn’t printed it out but thought they might honor it.

And darn it all, she said they would. So my admirable restraint was diminished, and I bought yarn. Still, I only bought one skein, and it was on sale. And it’s gorgeous. I’m thinking this might become a Be Simple Shawl, or maybe the Be Simple Variations. Or who knows, I might stick with tried and true and make another Hitchhiker. I’ve got time to figure it out, since I’ve got one small and three bigger projects I need to focus on first.

First up is the scarf for the mother. She picked out Bamboo Pop in turquoise. The scarf is halfway done and might even be done today. It’s a lovely yarn, a bit slippery with the large hook I’m using (size N/P, 10mm) but it feels silky in my fingers and it will drape beautifully.

Then there’s the mermaid blanket of course, and my mother’s afghan, but at least I have until cooler weather before I need to worry about finishing that. So once the scarf is done, I’ll be casting on a project for my sister. I saw the new Marcelle Wrap pattern by Little Church Knits, and I think it’s gorgeous. I shared it on my Facebook page, and my sister saw it and has to have one for herself! Hooray, a reason to knit one! She picked out the colors and the yarn arrived yesterday. It’s hard to see it well, but the top one is called Forest Heather, I think. It’s a dark green with slight reddish/purple hints. I’m looking forward to starting this one soon.

So there you have it, all my yarn updates. That’s plenty, right? I certainly have enough to keep my needles and hooks busy for a while. Until next time, here’s a photo of Jack, our resident branch manager. I have no idea how he got this stick up the narrow deck stairs, but he’s pretty happy with himself.

I’m a good girl

May10

You’ll be pleased to know that I stayed focused and got a lot of “must haves” done yesterday! (Or maybe you won’t, but let’s pretend, just for fun.) I made my list of chores for the week and half are already crossed off. Sure, they’re the easier ones, but it’s a start. When I can do that, get a workout in, AND get some work done, that’s a good day. I finished the first pass through the sci-fi book I’m proofreading (it’s the sequel to Mostly Human by Antoinette Houston. I’m not a sci-fi person but I have fun reading these.) and I got a few rows done on the mermaid blanket during Jeopardy! and I even managed to do some fun knitting before bed, starting another set of fingerless gloves. I needed another travel project, and these are perfect.

Now, I need you guys to send me some willpower: I’m going to the yarn store with the mother today. She wants a scarf to go with a certain dress, so we’re going together to pick out a color. I really really need to be good and not come home with extra yarn, so please send good mojo, or juju, or whatever. And tomorrow, I’ll be sure to show what I come with anyway. Sigh.

Here, have a couple of pupdates: Jack follows me around all day long. This is what I have whenever I’m working in my craft room.

And this is why my couches are a wreck. Both of them are in front of big windows, and the puppies have to keep watch whenever possible. I guess I’d rather have happy puppies than pristine couches. (Not sure the husband agrees.)

We had big storms yesterday and last night and this morning everything is bright and shiny and sparkling. Even the power lines have little rainbow droplets. Hope your day is bright too!

Selfish Knitting

May9

I didn’t do anything I was “supposed” to do yesterday. Well, no, I take that back. I did EXACTLY what I was supposed to do: relax, let everybody else do all the stuff, and only do what *I* wanted to do. So we had a lovely brunch, I got a couple of presents from my sweet daughter, we went to see the new Captain America movie (spoiler: I wasn’t a big fan.) and then I knitted the rest of the day while watching old chick flicks. (Sweet Home Alabama and Pleasantville.) I made lots of progress on a beautiful Pink Diamond Shawlette: Pattern is Diamond Shawlette and I’m using KnitPicks Galileo in Abalone and I’m loving everything about knitting this. But for now I must set it aside so I can focus on the things I have to do, like a mermaid blanket and a proofreading job.

Oh, and I finally have pictures of the rainbow scarf, which just got listed on Etsy this morning.

I hope all my fellow mothers had an equally lovely day yesterday!

Wonder Woman Bags

May6

Yesterday, my brother sent me a link about some cosmetic bags Walgreens was selling. Not just any bags: these were WONDER WOMAN bags! I’ve loved her since I was a kid, and I’m a nerd at heart so now that I’m a grown up, I love to have all kinds of Wonder Woman stuff. You guys have seen some of it. So I followed the link and then almost immediately drove to my local store. Nope, they didn’t have them. Didn’t know anything about them. Shoot. I came home, searched some more, and thought the closest store that had any was 30 minutes away. But no! My brother discovered a closer store that said it had one of the bags. I figured one was better than none and set off again. And GUESS WHAT?? They had all three bags I wanted! So yes, I bought myself an early Mother’s Day gift because how could I not? The big one will be a project bag, and I’m not sure about the two medium sizes. That littlest one came with a set of makeup brushes, and they’re cute and all, but whatever. This is a notions pouch, am I right? And that clear one in the back? It has a cape!I am more than pleased with my new bags. I think they’re delightful.

Somehow I also ended up with some new yarn yesterday. I don’t know how it happened. But it was all half off, so that’s something. This is Cascade 220 Superwash Aran, so squishy and soft! Love this stuff.

This is Berroco Lustra. You can’t see it very well, but it has a lovely subtle shimmer. I think it will make a gorgeous lacy cowl.

Now I really need to focus and get back to work. This author’s book isn’t going to proofread itself!