Tag Archive | working mothers

Is it safe yet?

Once again, I debated whether to post this. But like I do most of the time, I decided, why not? I’ve always been honest in this blog. Maybe too honest, I don’t know. But I know there are others of you who have felt this way. I know there are probably some who are currently feeling like this. So here goes. You know how when you start a new job, or maybe a new school, you kind of hold back a little? Maybe you don’t reveal all the crazy until you think it’s safe? I’ve been in the new job for almost three months, and I’m finally starting to feel safe. It helps that one of my bosses is a little wacky, so once I saw that, I knew she and I would get along great. I mean, she brought in a blow-up Ninja punching bag for my birthday! Perfect, right? The others aren’t wacky in the same way, but they seem to enjoy our wacky. I have to tease and joke and laugh at work; it’s nonnegotiable.

But the lab wasn’t all. I’ve mentioned before that there’s a knitting group there, and I’ve been going to the twice-weekly meetings pretty faithfully. It was nice to be around other knitters, even if most of them aren’t *quite* as ~~crazy~~ obsessed about knitting as I am. They’re fun ladies, and we chatted and laughed a lot. Slowly, I’ve been figuring out which of them are kindred spirits, and there are some I feel a stronger connection with than others. And then I found another knitter who IS crazy about knitting the same way I am, and we had a delightful lunch, and I hope for more. Then the other day, the knitting group had a gathering that was more…raucous than usual, more bawdy, more earthy. We laughed and laughed, and it was wonderful. And that meeting really helped me feel more at home here, made me see that there are people here who like similar things, who have a similar sense of humor, who have similar political leanings (that’s more inferred–I try to avoid talking about religion and politics with…almost everyone, really). I think I’ve found people who will accept and appreciate me the way I am, and I needed that. As much as I like my coworkers, sometimes I can’t help but feel separate from them at times–my knowledge base, skill sets, experiences, vocabulary are all so different from theirs. I’ve had to remind myself that just because I don’t always understand their language, it doesn’t mean I’m not equally smart in my own right. I mean, YEAH, of course I KNOW that, but it’s hard to remember when I’m in an environment that uses and values a different kind of intelligence. I’ve felt really dumb many times over the last couple of months. I’ve felt dumb and incompetent and like I’m failing everyone who’s counting on me.

BUT. I had my people. I had my knitting friends. I had the book group, which has been amazing too. I haven’t been in one before, so I haven’t sat and talked about a book for an hour since college, and that was many moons ago. And most of the knitting group is in the book group too (because knitters and readers are AWESOME) so I’ve seen them quite a bit. And I always left my time with them feeling energized and relieved; they’ve provided some of the happiest times there. They’ve cheered me on when I let myself vent a bit; they’ve helped me with no sign of irritation or annoyance. They’re just mostly NICE people. They’re GOOD people.

So those good times have pulled me through the bad ones, and now I’m finally starting to feel a tiny bit more comfortable in my role. There’s still a lot I don’t know, but I’m picking things up, and I’m getting to use my “real” skills of proofreading/editing more often. That’s the best part of the job.

This has been a hard transition for me, going from doing what I truly love every day (knitting, writing, blogging, editing) to an office job. And I don’t mean that to disparage the job at all. The company is amazing, the job is good, and it’s getting better. But it’s different. It’s a different life than I was leading, and I’ve had to readjust. There are things I miss about staying home. But there are things I like about working. So, it’s a tradeoff. I’m finding ways to balance work and home, home and knitting, all that stuff. Sigh. Life. It’s just hard sometimes, you know?

Thanks for listening, if you’ve made it this far. As a reward, here’s my latest FO, completed last night after the kids performed in the band at the Friday night football game.

It’s called Kilter and it was so easy and fun to knit. I used Berroco Vintage in Envy.

Until next time, happy knitting or working or whatever it is you do every day!

Work, and Knitting

Jun10

This morning I went to the bank, like I actually went inside and was at the teller, and she had the manager with her. They had a new machine, he said, so they were doing some training. No problem. It took several minutes longer than usual, and toward the end he apologized. Their trainer was out that day, and they were still getting used to it. That’s fine, I said. I’d been a software trainer before so I know how it goes.

And as I was walking out, it hit me. Yes, I’ve been a software trainer before. I did so many things under the umbrella of “retail manager” that I’d never referred to myself like that before. And…I really liked it. I liked the sound of it. It reminded me of all the time I spent as a trainer, and how much I loved it. It was probably one of my favorite parts of the job, both teaching people how to use the registers and the software, and learning new software so I could be the trainer. I might not end up in a training role in my next job, at least not right away, but this definitely reassures me that I’m on the right track by going back to work.

But at the moment I’m still a happy knitter, and today I met up with another crafter I’d found on Instagram. She makes project bags and I’m addicted to project bags, so it’s a good fit. Plus we’re both big fans of the KC Royals. See, isn’t it fantastic?

It’s so well-made, it even has a wrist strap, and I love that she chose a baseball fabric for the inside, when she could have chosen a cheaper, plain fabric.

I just love it. And I love that maybe I found a new local knitting friend! To thank her for meeting me nearby, I made a small set of three blue stitch markers.

And then I made a couple for myself. I had the beads out, you know?

Right now my knitting is fast and easy. I’m using up my cotton on simple dishcloths, some for me, and some for a craft show I’m doing tomorrow. It’s perfect knitting for when my brain is focused elsewhere, which it is right now.

I can still focus enough on knitting to grab good yarn deals when I see them, though. I found a bag of sock yarns at a thrift store today, and I loved four of the skeins, but these six aren’t really my style, so I’ll probably find them a new home. If you’re a sock knitter and you’re interested, holler at me and I’ll give you a good deal.

I think that needs to be all for today. I have more new yarns to share, but let’s do it another day, okay? I have a craft show to prep for and a cover letter to refine and a resume to submit.

Enjoy your Friday, friends!

Back to work?

Jun9

It has been four years since I left my last full-time position, and, maybe surprisingly, I’m ready to go back. I have been home when I was needed most, I’ve gotten my kids past the most critical stage and now that my daughter is old enough to start driving herself around, I can reach for more. I wouldn’t change anything about the last four years. It was absolutely what I needed to do.

But this is what I need to do now. I miss contributing something vital to the world, something on a bigger scope. I miss being part of a team that’s working together to make the world a better place, one step at a time. I love my creative endeavors, but they’re small, low-impact, solitary. I miss collaboration. I miss using my brain to learn new things and then helping others learn those things. I loved being a trainer, loved helping my peers and staff grow. I loved making a difference in clients’ lives. I’ve got these writing skills, and I feel like I could be using them in so many more ways. I could make an impact in the community…and that’s thrilling.

In no way do I mean this as a criticism of stay-at-home parents. I’ve done it in two long stretches now, and appreciated it both times. Parenting is a huge responsibility, and I admire and respect those to do it full-time. I *know* it’s a job, and a hard one. But it’s also a personal choice, and what works for one family may not be the best choice for another. It was the right choice at that point in time.

But now, my kids have grown up a lot. For that matter, I’ve grown up a lot after all the things I’ve faced the last four or five years. I have more to give, and I want to make a bigger difference. I will still knit, though I might focus more on what sparks my creativity and less on custom orders. I will still write and work on getting my book published. I will still proofread for other writers, though it might take me a little bit longer. But I want to do more. I want to challenge myself. I feel like this is my second wind, and I can’t wait to see where it takes me.