Ugh. I need to frog my Because I Love You Wrap and start over. Okay, no, I don’t really *need* to, but I want to and won’t be happy with it if I don’t. Here’s what I’ve got so far: I love how it’s knitting up, and I even watched a video about intarsia and figured out the yarn-twisting bit so there’s no hole where I picked up the teal for the stripe. Great, right? Right! But then I looked at the pattern again and realized that in the second half of the shawl, the stockinette sections are much bigger because of how the shawl grows. I would much rather have the variegated yarn in the big sections of stockinette than the solid teal. Maybe it’s a minor thing, maybe it won’t make a huge difference, but in my mind right now, I’m thinking it will. The only downside is that I’ll lose those two lengths of teal yarn (unless I just use them and have even more ends to weave in). But at least I figured it out before I got even further into the wrap!

Here’s some good news though: remember my Duality hat from yesterday? The designer noticed my project page on Ravelry and asked to feature it on the pattern page!! I love when that happens! You can see it here, and remember, today’s the last day to get the pattern for free!

And more good news (maybe): I sent my first query letters to agents yesterday!! I don’t know if I’ll ever think my memoir manuscript is “done” but it feels done. It feels ready, although of course as soon as I sent the letters I was consumed with doubt and self-loathing. I only did three; they take longer than you’d think. You have to determine each agent’s requirements, tailor your query letter for each agent, then copy and paste the requested materials (and in my case, reformat it when it goes all wonky in the email). I also had to write a brief synopsis, since one agent requested it along with the query letter. Each one is so different, it seems like. And there’s so much pressure to be PERFECT with that one short letter.

Ugh. It’s hard hard hard. But also so exciting. It feels wonderful to move on to this step, to believe in myself enough to send my book out for others to judge. And they will, and most of them will reject it. I recognize that, and it’s okay. I know there are thousands of books written every year and agents have to turn down perfectly good books just because it didn’t call their name. I only need one, one fabulous agent who believes she can sell this book to a publisher. Until I find her, I’ll keep sending out queries and waiting patiently.

And I’ll knit of course, to calm my nerves while I’m pretending to be patient.

Okay, fine, you’re right. Yes, I’ll play with the puppies too.