Tag Archive | recuperating

Thoughts on Recovery: Warning, I’m Whining

Not so long ago, on most “normal” days, all I wanted to do was hang out at home. If I could rest on the couch, watch TV, and play with yarn, it was a really good day. I loved the solitude, the silence. But now, I have all those things each and every day. I’ve had lots of solitude, lots of couch/TV/yarn time, and to be honest, I’m sick of it. I want to go to a yarn store, a bead store, Target, even the grocery store! It’s only been nine days since I broke my foot, and the orthopedist wants me in the boot and non-weight-bearing for at least another four weeks. What the heck am I going to do with myself?

I know: I have people who would come visit, who would run errands for/with me if I needed. Many people have told me, “Just let me know if you need anything!” And I’m extremely grateful for them. But it’s not the same. They can’t help me with what’s really bothering me: the 15 stairs I have to hop up and down, trying to shower while standing on one leg, dealing with the lip on the floor going into the kitchen that forces me to stand up, drag my chair over, and then sit back down EVERY SINGLE TIME I go into the kitchen. To go anywhere means hopping down the eight or nine stairs outside, and then hopping back up when I come home. What I want, what I need, is to be self-sufficient, independent. I’m frustrated, missing the ability to just get up and walk/drive wherever I want to go, whenever I want to go.

And I know, I’m extremely lucky. It could be worse. I could be without that foot permanently. I could be facing surgery, a longer healing time, permanent walking aides. In the grand scheme of things, five weeks of downtime for a broken bone is nothing. I keep telling myself that, and sometimes it works. It helps that I’m feeling a little better. The foot doesn’t hurt too much most of the time, and when it does I have meds that help a little. When I’m sitting in a normal chair or walking for too long, it swells up, but I can elevate it and ice it, and that helps. Using the crutches aggravated the tendonitis in my elbow, but I have a knee scooter now, so hopefully that will ease up soon.

It sounds so great, doesn’t it? A good excuse to sit around, be lazy and watch TV. But in reality, it sucks most of the time. I feel guilty that my husband has to work full-time and then come home to drive kids around, run errands, wash the dinner dishes. I feel useless right now. I’m not able to do anything for the family that I was doing before. I’m just dead weight. I dread getting up every morning, dread the struggle of getting around with the heavy boot. In bed, nothing hurts. I can pretend that everything is still okay.

Wow. I didn’t realize it was so dark in my head today. Sorry about that. I think I’m going to take my tea and my crafty stuff and go sit in the dining room for a while, at a table, on a chair that’s not a couch. I’m going to enjoy the sunshine coming in the bay windows and listen to music, leave the TV off for a while. I’m going to try to hop up to the craft room and prep for the craft show I’m doing next week. (Thank goodness for my Knitting SIL, who will be my arms and legs that day!!) I’m going to try to rein in this feeling-sorry-for-myself thing I’ve got going, focus on what I can still do and accept help for the things I can’t.

I almost don’t want to hit publish on this post. Maybe it’s too self-indulgent. I’m really not looking for people to fawn over me and say, “Oh, poor you!” But it feels good to be honest here. And I think my feelings aren’t that uncommon: people do get hurt and people do get frustrated and people do feel sorry for themselves. And then they take a deep breath and move forward. So that’s what I’m going to try to do today. I will appreciate the beautiful sunny day, even if I have to do it from inside.

A little bit of knitting progress

I wish I had more exciting stuff to share. I mean, I’ve had a week now of extra knitting time while I rest my foot, and I’ve got almost nothing. I’m working on that mermaid blanket but it’s still just more of the same. And I’m working on my third candy cane scarf; it’s going pretty quickly.IMG_4073I should be able to finish that soon and beg my husband to mail it for me. I’m just really eager to be working on FUN stuff. Sure, all knitting is fun, but these two projects aren’t using my creative energies. I want to be playing with my pretty yarns, finding new and interesting projects. I want to make a Doodler. I want to make baby hats. I want to make cowls. And I will, soon. As soon as I finish these two commissioned pieces.

I did manage to take photos of the two completed Sarah beanies. Granted, they’re not great photos. In fact, they suck a little, but my mobility is limited so this is what you get for now. IMG_4070 IMG_4071It’s a really fun pattern, and the hats are much cuter than my photos make them look. You can find the free pattern here. I would say that it comes out a little big as written. The purple-ish one I cast on the 100 stitches, and with worsted weight, it’s just a looser brim than I like. The turquoise one I went down to…80? stitches, I think. Either that or 88. And then I increased to 100(ish) stitches for the body.

I also learned the downfall to knitting while under the influence of pain meds. The other night I forgot and accidentally took an extra pill, and then I tried to knit a second Yoda ear. It didn’t end well. IMG_4064Those don’t match. In case you can’t tell, the one on the right is the result of the doped knitting. Sigh. Guess I’ll frog that one and try again!

That’s all the knitting to report. I’ve been reading After You by JoJo Moyes, which is great. I finished Who Do You Love by Jennifer Weiner, and while I enjoyed it, I don’t think it was her best. While knitting, I’ve started watching My Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and it’s hysterical. Just quirky and strange and delightful. And of course cuddling with the puppies. IMG_4060I’m so glad I have the pups for company! IMG_4044