Tag Archive | knitting

Depression Remission?

I had a conversation with a friend recently where I mentioned that I’m supposed to go off my antidepressants this spring. Her reaction? “Oh, that’s good!” And that’s a pretty normal reaction; I’ve the same reaction in the same situation. Why? Why is that good? Because it’s supposed to indicate that I’m “all better now”? Because I’m supposed to be able to handle my emotions on my own? And maybe that is/should be the goal of happy meds: help you get over the hump of depression, when they can, so you can get back to living a happy life without them. I suppose it’s no different than blood pressure meds, or meds for diabetes. If you can get your body to a point where it’s healthy enough without them, it’s a good thing to be able to stop taking them. I’m just sensitive to the subject of meds for mental health, and when the reaction to going off them is “Good!”, then I start thinking, “Wait, does that mean it’s bad that I was on them?” And the answer to that is always NO, it’s not bad. If you struggle with depression and can’t manage it on your own, and your doctor has prescribed them, and you take them properly, and they HELP? That’s not bad, that’s great.

Am I all better now? Who knows, right? I believe my depression was caused (for lack of a better word) by a lot of stressful, crappy things going on in my life at the same time, and my mind/body sort of collapsed. So now that I’m past the worst of the stress/grief/pain/anger, I am in a much better place emotionally. I feel happy these days. I worried about my broken foot bringing me down again, and it did, but I didn’t realize how much until it was healed. It’s like you don’t know how much something hurts until it stops, right? I’m back to my calm, peaceful, content place again. THAT’S what’s good, whether it’s with meds or without. And I *think* I’ll be fine to stop the meds, I really do. But it’s still scary. I don’t want to go back to where I was before I started taking them. And if I do, I’ll have no reservations about going back on them.

So it’s not “good” that I’m going off my meds; it’s “I’m glad you’re doing well!” Just like it’s not “bad” if someone starts taking meds; it’s “I’m sorry you’re struggling.”

I know what my friend meant; that part is fine. But it just got me thinking, and I want to be aware of the effects of my words. Maybe I’m overthinking this, maybe I’m too sensitive. The most important thing when dealing with depression is finding something that works for YOU, be it exercise, diet, therapy, meds, or any combination of things. For me, it’s been my meds, and my knitting. (I’m going to start exercising soon. I think. I mean, I am. Sighhhh.) The meds may go away, but the knitting will be here forever.

The Book’s Not Terrible

Feb4

Whew, what a relief! My friend and I met yesterday morning and she didn’t tear my book to shreds. In fact, she even said I’m a good writer; that always feels good to hear. She did give me some solid feedback that I’m going to incorporate, and we had a really nice conversation. Now I’ve got the book with another, more objective reader (more objective because she wasn’t there for the whole thing) and I’m looking forward to her reaction. Her reaction when I told her what it was about? “Oh, good, it’ll be juicy!” Haha! I don’t know about that, but maybe.

After our meeting, I somehow ended up at my old LYS. No idea how that happened. Okay, yes I do. I’m making a rainbow cowl for my mom, and it had stalled. I’d started a Honey Cowl, DK weight yarn on size 6s, but I wasn’t enjoying it. It was slow, it hurt my elbow, I resisted working on it. Plus it had a lot of purling in it, and I’ve switched to the “right” way to purl, so I didn’t want to go back to this project with the “wrong” purling. I frogged it, and decided to add a second strand to speed things up. I tried white and didn’t like it, so my goal with the LYS was to find a black fingering weight wool to add to it. Not surprisingly, I found one! This was my test to see if I liked them together, and I do! I think it’s very striking, and tones down the brightness of the rainbow. (I love the brightness; not sure if my mom would.) I picked a different pattern, the Hartwell Scarf, and this morning cast on with size 8 needles. So far I’m very pleased with it, and I can tell it’ll go more quickly than it would have before.

Somehow I also made it home with this. Malabrigo Rios, color Teal Feather. Oh, Malabrigo. Why are you so irresistible? I’m pretty sure it will become another Barley hat, because that seems to be the perfect combination. I mean, look at my Pink Frost Barley, finished just last night: So, so pretty! This is a child’s size, and I have enough yarn left to do another one. I think I want to do a baby Barley. That would be perfection. But first I need to get in a solid chunk of proofreading, and then tonight I’ll reward myself with more knitting.

Playing with Words

Feb3

One of the joys of being a proofreader is that I get to read books, books very few people have read before. It’s fun, being part of a tiny circle of readers, although sometimes the book isn’t something I would choose to read otherwise. My current proofreading job is a good one: a memoir about a woman who stopped shopping for a year and examines her relationship to shopping and clothes and self-esteem, and how all those things are intertwined. Her writing is personable, light-hearted and funny while tackling some serious issues. It’s really good, a fun read, and I know I’m supposed to be reading it for the mistakes but I keep getting caught up in the story too. It especially resonates with me, since I worked in the retail clothing business and now buy very few new clothes. Hopefully in the near future I’ll be able to tell you that it’s widely available for sale!

Speaking of memoirs, I’m meeting with my co-worker friend this morning, the one who agreed to be an early reader for my manuscript. I’m scared. I messaged her the other day, saying I was going nuts and was it terrible? The only response I got was, “Can you meet this day?” Well. That’s not very reassuring. Now, I know this woman, and she’s lovely and she will be kind, but she will also be honest, which is what I need from her. Still. Honesty is scary. I truly don’t think my book is terrible, but maybe it’s not interesting enough for a wide readership. Maybe I’m too harsh on some of my former co-workers. Maybe I’m an unfailing pessimist who always assumes the worst. Yep. That last one. Anyway, I’ll let you know how it goes. Unless it goes horribly, and then you just won’t hear from me for a while. Either way, I guess you’ll know!

Knitting was my reward last night for a full day of proofreading. I cast on with some Malabrigo Worsted in Pink Frost in a delightful pattern called Barley by TinCanKnits, and it’s coming along nicely. As you can see, it’s also good purling practice for me, since it has that 22-stitch section of garter stitch. I’m rather enjoying my “new” way of purling, and it absolutely makes knitting the next row SO much easier. I really want to curl up and finish this hat, but alas, I have to get cleaned up so I can go listen to someone tell me what’s wrong with the book I wrote. Ack! Cross your fingers for me!

The Snood, and a Hat

Feb2

The snood is complete and en route to my customer today, so I feel safe in sharing photos. I’m delighted with it! It was much simpler than I expected, and really fun to make. I’m definitely going to make one to add to my Etsy shop. This one is for a girl pup, so she got a cute little pompom on the tail. … Shoot. Nope, accidentally deleted the photos I took yesterday. Here’s all that’s left. Just imagine the pompom. And better lighting. And a puppy inside, while you’re imagining.

I made another hat yesterday. I ran errands all day long and when I finally was able to sit and relax, I picked up my crochet hook and a skein of white cotton. Here’s what happened. I never get tired of this pattern. It’s so fast, and I love the look of the crochet body with the elasticity of the knitted brim. It’s called the Combination Summer Hat.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a manuscript to proofread! Whee! So far I’ve gotten jobs through word of mouth, but I might be ready to set up a simple, basic website. I just need to find the time to sit down with my resident IT genius. That might be the hard part!

Doing it Wrong

Feb1

Guys, I have something crazy to say: I have been knitting wrong for the last three years. More specifically, I have been purling wrong. Remember I was working on a greyhound snood and my two sections of stockinette looked so different? The top part was done in the round on DPNs, the bottom flat on straights. Well, another knitter mentioned that the alternate rows, the purl rows, on the flat section looked twisted. She was very kind and said it didn’t look bad, it wasn’t wrong, just maybe that’s why it was different. Well, I went to Youtube and looked at purling videos and behold! I have been wrapping my yarn the wrong way from the beginning! This is the video I watched, just because it was the first one, and they even show the “incorrect” way later. So yes, my purl rows were twisted. I’m sure it happened because I taught myself to purl from a book and never had anyone watching to say, oh hey, that’s different!

This was a huge Aha! moment for me. Why? Because from the beginning, I’ve found it harder to knit into purl stitches, and it made me dislike stockinette knit flat and garter stitch in the round. This is why! So if I can train myself to do it correctly, it will make my knitting easier. It also explained why so many people dislike purling. I never understood it, because for me it was as quick and easy as knitting. But this new way isn’t as easy, and partly that’s because it’s new to me, and I have to retrain my fingers, teach them new muscle memory.

The other cool thing is that my Knitting SIL pointed out that if I really want to keep purling the way I do (which is a bit faster and easier than the ‘correct’ way, I think) I can remedy it on the next row by knitting into the back loops. I probably won’t use that as my regular method, because I do want to get into the habit of using the right techniques, but it’s nice to know I have options.

Now, I know, there’s not a “right” or “wrong” way to knit, and I agree that my twisted stockinette section looks pretty cool. I like it, and it can be a technique in my tool kit. But there are traditional, accepted forms of the knit and purl stitches, and I was bucking tradition. I want to be a proper knitter, and for me, that means learning to do it the traditional way. Then while I’m knitting, I can make the choice to do it however I want! And I might just want to keep knitting in the round so it’s not much of an issue. 🙂 This is another Yoda hat. I made three this weekend (base hats only, no ears yet) while I was watching the finals of the Australian Open. We’re testing Sling TV for a week, and the sports part is great because I can just use the ESPN app on the Apple TV. But the Sling TV app itself is kind of terrible. It crashes A LOT and I have a lot of problems trying to use AirPlay to show the video from the iPad on the TV. It’s pretty disappointing. We probably won’t sign up; for $20 a month, I want consistency and reliability. So I guess we’ll go back to just having Hulu and Netflix. It sure was nice having tennis to watch again though!

A Greyhound Snood

Jan29

You’ve seen the photos, I’m sure, of the dogs wearing the hooded cowl-type things? Well, that’s called a snood and they’re popular for greyhounds because apparently they get cold more quickly than other breeds. I got a request for one the other day, and it’s been a fun project so far. It’s unusual and different, and I like the idea of keeping a puppy warm! I chose a machine-washable yarn since even though the dog is “reasonably clean dog” (what does that even mean? My dogs don’t speak that language!), she’s still a dog. I’m using the Pointy Greyhound Hood pattern. Most of the patterns were just the cowl/neckwarmer but she specifically wanted a hood, so a hood she’ll get! I cast on last night and it’s going quickly so far. It’s cool because you start with the ribbing in the round, which is what goes around her face, then you take part of the stitches and knit flat for a while, then you join in the round again for the pointy hat part. It was also interesting to see how much my tension differed from knitting flat on straights (lower portion) to knitting in the round on DPNs.Yep, I used the same size needles. Big difference, huh? Anyway, once I’m done with the pointy hat bit, I’ll go back to those open stitches (the ones at the bottom still on a circular needle), pick up some more, and knit in the round again for the neck portion. It’s a nifty design, and I can’t wait to see it on the pretty pup! Not my pretty pup, though. I’m afraid it wouldn’t last long. He may look docile but when he and Grace get going, they’re pretty crazy.

I wish you a happy Friday, and Jack wishes you happy napping!

Purple Beanie

Jan28

I worked on a WIP yesterday. It was boring: all gray, all garter stitch. But I made some progress and I have hope that someday I will be able to switch to the third color (teal).I guess this is good TV knitting. I don’t have to think AT ALL. But that’s also why it’s boring. So mostly I worked on a hat, and today it’s done! This is the Purl Swirl Beanie, and I love it. You can make it as slouchy as you want, so I knit to about 7″ before starting the decreases. The pattern is extremely simple but gives the hat a really interesting look and texture. I used Dream in Color Classy, a superwash merino that might be one of my favorite yarns to knit with. It’s not soft in the same way as alpaca; it’s more…crisp. That makes it behave well on the needles and have great stitch definition. The funny thing is that when I went to update the project page on Ravelry, supposedly I had two skeins of the same yarn. This is what I found: They have the same label on them, same color code and everything. But that’s a HUGE difference! I guess this is why they say to make sure you get skeins from the same dye lot! Still, I’m delighted to discover I have more Dream in Color yarn than I realized. Before I can cast on with it, though, I have a new commission: a greyhound snood! It’s a fun pattern, one with a hood, and it’s for one of my daughter’s teachers. (The teacher’s dog, that is.) And of course I don’t have the right yarn, so a trip to Michaels is in store for me today. Might even hop over to Office Max while I’m out there. Yarn AND office supplies? That’s a great day!

New Hat Photos

Jan27

Yesterday I borrowed my daughter again, this time to model hats. I experimented with the backyard this time and discovered the late-day light is much better in the front. Still, I was pleased enough with the results. This is The Journey Hat. I love the look, but it came out really big. Part of it was me, accidentally knitting it longer than I was supposed to, but part of it was just…it came out big all around. How was my gauge, you ask? No idea. I don’t do that for hats, LOL! It’s still a good adult size, would be perfect for those with big heads or lots of hair, and it’s super slouchy. Plus, the yarn is divine. It’s KnitPicks Preciosa Tonal, two strands held together, and it’s so wonderfully soft and warm.

Here’s the gray newsboy cap, crochet this time!This pattern is called Newsie and it’s super fast. It was a little snug on my big-headed girl but fits me fine. I’ve also made this size for my niece (who’s 7) and it’s great for her too. If you’re interested in hers, find the Ravelry page here.

Another Slouchy Broken Rib Hat, Ravelry notes here.

And here are a couple of better photos of the hat I showed you yesterday. I’m calling it the Snowfall Hat. I’m quite pleased with this pattern, The Hipster Slouchy Hat. I love how it slouches in the back without being too poofy; I think it might be a better style for me to actually wear. I just need to find some appropriately purple bulky yarn.

I’m now down to seven WIPs and my goal is to finish at least one today. I’ve been out to lunch with friends the last two days, and while I had a wonderful time, I need a quiet day to rest and recharge. Knitting is the best way for me to do that. And it just so happens I can hang out in my pajamas and drink tea all day at the same time!

Fear and Self-Loathing

Jan26

Most of us have days when we’re full of those two emotions, am I right? Today is one of those days for me. Besides my life as a mom and wife, I have my passions: my yarn craft, my writing, my proofreading. If I’m not succeeding at those, I feel like I’m failing as a person. Whether that’s right or wrong doesn’t matter. It just is. The brain doesn’t function that way, or at least mine doesn’t. I need to train myself to define “success” more loosely.

So yesterday, you might have seen, I posted about starting a sale on my Etsy shop. I wrote about it here, and I posted a photo on Facebook. I tried to boost the photo but it was rejected, so I tried again with a different photo. Maybe I was obnoxious about it because someone unliked my page yesterday. This morning, I found that I’d lost two more likes. Does it matter? It shouldn’t. It’s not a comment on ME. Except that my knitting IS me, so a rejection of that does feel personal. Thankfully, I also got two new likes (YAY) so that made me feel better. Maybe I should get rid of the Facebook page and just focus on Etsy. I get so caught up in the numbers that I lose focus of what really matters.

Those of you with small crafty businesses, what do you do? Does FB help or hinder you?

Also, rejection just sucks, doesn’t it?

Yesterday, I also handed off my manuscript to a new reader, a former co-worker, and I’m anxious to hear her feedback. What if it’s horrible? I don’t always think it is, but today I do. And soon, I’ll be sending this piece of myself out to agents to critique, and reject.

Yes, rejection sucks. But I guess that’s the risk you take when you put yourself out there, isn’t it? And you just have to keep going to find the reward: those people who truly love what you’re doing and who aren’t shy about saying so. It’s too bad those voices are less frequent and harder to hear/believe.

But here’s the bright spot of my day: I have a potential proofreading client, and as much I love proofreading, I think I need to bump that up in my priorities. I love being that person who helps others shine. So getting a basic website up is on my To Do list, and soon. I’m sure I’ll share it when it’s up!

I’ll close with another highlight. I finished another project last night, a fun slouch hat with some of my newer yarn. I love it, can’t wait to get some better photos so I can list it on Etsy.

I have my knitting, but what about you? How do you cope with rejection, with fear and self-loathing?

A Scarf, a book and an Etsy Sale!

Jan25

Today’s post will be quick and a bit scrambled, I think, much like my brain today. First, some happy news: I finished the scarf commission, hooray! It will ship out tomorrow and complete that order. Now I can move on to finishing my eight other WIPs without guilt. Here’s a terrible photo that doesn’t show any good details…because it’s so darn hard to photograph black yarn. But just to prove that I’m not a complete and utter photo slouch, here’s a better one that I took last night. I’m pleased with it; it’s soft and cozy.

Second, I’m taking my manuscript and handing it off to my first co-worker reader! It’s a little scary and a little exciting at the same time. I hope she likes it, but I also hope I get good feedback. We’re having lunch too, which is why I don’t have time for a long post today.

Finally, I decided to do a sale on my Etsy shop for Valentine’s Day! I try to keep my prices affordable all the time, so I very rarely do discounts, but I figured, what the heck. Let’s try it and see what happens. So I’ve done a Facebook boost to hit a bigger audience, and you can see that here. Fingers crossed!

Happy Monday, friends!