Fear and Self-Loathing

Most of us have days when we’re full of those two emotions, am I right? Today is one of those days for me. Besides my life as a mom and wife, I have my passions: my yarn craft, my writing, my proofreading. If I’m not succeeding at those, I feel like I’m failing as a person. Whether that’s right or wrong doesn’t matter. It just is. The brain doesn’t function that way, or at least mine doesn’t. I need to train myself to define “success” more loosely.

So yesterday, you might have seen, I posted about starting a sale on my Etsy shop. I wrote about it here, and I posted a photo on Facebook. I tried to boost the photo but it was rejected, so I tried again with a different photo. Maybe I was obnoxious about it because someone unliked my page yesterday. This morning, I found that I’d lost two more likes. Does it matter? It shouldn’t. It’s not a comment on ME. Except that my knitting IS me, so a rejection of that does feel personal. Thankfully, I also got two new likes (YAY) so that made me feel better. Maybe I should get rid of the Facebook page and just focus on Etsy. I get so caught up in the numbers that I lose focus of what really matters.

Those of you with small crafty businesses, what do you do? Does FB help or hinder you?

Also, rejection just sucks, doesn’t it?

Yesterday, I also handed off my manuscript to a new reader, a former co-worker, and I’m anxious to hear her feedback. What if it’s horrible? I don’t always think it is, but today I do. And soon, I’ll be sending this piece of myself out to agents to critique, and reject.

Yes, rejection sucks. But I guess that’s the risk you take when you put yourself out there, isn’t it? And you just have to keep going to find the reward: those people who truly love what you’re doing and who aren’t shy about saying so. It’s too bad those voices are less frequent and harder to hear/believe.

But here’s the bright spot of my day: I have a potential proofreading client, and as much I love proofreading, I think I need to bump that up in my priorities. I love being that person who helps others shine. So getting a basic website up is on my To Do list, and soon. I’m sure I’ll share it when it’s up!

I’ll close with another highlight. I finished another project last night, a fun slouch hat with some of my newer yarn. I love it, can’t wait to get some better photos so I can list it on Etsy. IMG_4932

I have my knitting, but what about you? How do you cope with rejection, with fear and self-loathing?

12 thoughts on “Fear and Self-Loathing

  1. I don’t have a crafty FB page but I do have an interest page. It always feels like a little kick in the shins when people unlike, but it really isn’t as big as it feels at the time (she says, having just discovered 2 people unliked her page yesterday and feeling a bit bleurgh about it!) Getting more likes is a nice boost when you’ve had unlikes though!

    I’m on your page at the moment and it looks like your posts aren’t really shared, it’s cheeky but you can boost likes to your page by sharing posts in groups that are related, I always get a boost when I share mine (though not ones that directly link to your blog or etsy page, people get funny about that!) I rarely get shares otherwise, I have this one guy who shares every single post on his personal page but that doesn’t exactly generate more likes.

    • Yes, this is exactly what I need! I do get shares from my friends occasionally, but it doesn’t lead to much. I’ve exhausted the potential for new likes through my friends, so I’m trying to figure out how to broaden my audience. What kind of groups? I don’t belong to a lot of groups, so maybe that would be my first step. What I’m trying to remember is that really, FB isn’t leading to many sales for me anyway, so the likes/unlikes aren’t terribly relevant. Sure, ideally, if I can get a bigger audience it might, but like you said, it’s not as big as it feels. Thanks for the input!

  2. FB is a pain because it doesn’t show your posts reliably, so it’s really not as important as it used to be for generating sales, but from my research it seems that it’s still important to have a presence on FB and be updating it. I plan to start a ‘niche’ business and use my interest page to advertise it at first, so I’m focusing a lot on generating more likes at the moment.

    Posting on any kind of relevant group is fine, it helps if it’s one that actually interests you and one that you can dip into and join in discussion. Mid-sized groups are probably best as people will get to remember you/your logo, on large groups your posts may generate some likes but if there is constant posting it can get lost in a sea of other posts. On small groups there may not be posts often enough so people may feel like you’re spamming. Any knit/crochet groups or groups where sharing pictures of your crafts is normal is fine.

    I hate to say it as it’s a lot of effort but networking has helped my likes go up. I comment via my FB page on popular relevant pages posts, getting in there early is guaranteed to get you some likes and interaction. One page I comment on regularly has 23k likes, I know that they tend to post first thing on a Monday morning and, despite being in America, they post before their American audience tends to be online, so I can get in there and be one of the first commentors most Monday mornings, usually I get some interaction with the owner of the page and by the end of the day I will have a couple more likes on my page. I got into an argument on another relevant page with their owner and somehow that day I had an increase in likes too!
    Generally interacting with other pages works well too, if you like a yarn or pattern ask them what they used, tell them that you like specific aspects rather than a generic thing in which the answer will be “thanks”. Always use your business page to ask though. The main thing with using your business page is that you have to keep tabs on your comments, it won’t notify you if people respond.

    I could do a lot more of this to increase my likes but I’m lazy 😉

    • This is awesome, thank you so much! You’re right, it is a lot of work, but even what I’ve done so far in other social media has helped, so I can see how putting more time into FB could lead to higher numbers. Now, I just need to find the groups & pages…that will be my next step! And it doesn’t sound like you’re lazy at all–I’m impressed and so appreciative of all your feedback. 🙂

  3. If I’m really feeling rejected then I respond by being withdrawn. Some people would see that as pouting but it really isn’t. The introvert in me just needs a breather so I can rebound eventually. I learned this about myself in the midst of grief. I felt so alone and rejected by some who I felt should have been there but weren’t. It took a while to learn and accept that they do love me even though they couldn’t be what I needed them to be without me asking for it. Of course the introvert in me couldn’t ask…

    I say don’t worry about the numbers and just do what makes you happy.

    • I’m the same way, and you’re right, it’s not pouting at all. We’re a family of mostly introverts and we call it recharging. I’m sorry you had to to go through that alone time, but hopefully it helped you become more aware of what you need, what helps you in those times of struggles. I’m going to keep wishing you happier times! 🙂

      • Recharging… That sounds much better. Thank you, I am more aware of my needs and my strengths. Wishing you happiness as well

  4. Rejection sucks and it can be hard to stay positive sometimes and not take things personally. I’ve recently started thinking more about submitting designs to magazines, I have done 2 so far and they have both been rejected…but I just have to tell myself that it’s not because they think they are really bad (I hope!) but its just not what they are looking for right now. But I’ll keep trying…if you bang on enough doors one of them is bound to open right?! 🙂 Just keep doing what you love and keep putting yourself out there, I think what you do is awesome and I know there are lots of others out there who will agree with me!

    • Thank you so much; hearing things like this is what keeps me going! 🙂 I’m so grateful to have the knitting & writing communities around me. They’re both full of such kind, amazing people. I think your designs are beautiful, and I’m wanting to make the Whispering Pines Beret soon! So you do the same, and soon enough doors will open for both of us!

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