Where’d my mojo go?

Apr17

I seem to have lost some of my knitting motivation. I’ve been so caught up in training the new dog that my focus has shifted. Maybe the fact that I can’t leave current projects out where I can see them prevents them from staying on my mind. Or maybe it’s the fact that I have two bigger projects going, and I really like immediate gratification. The only project I’ve finished recently is this scarf:

I have several single skeins of mercerized cotton in my stash and couldn’t figure out what to do with them. But with warmer weather supposedly coming, I’ve been wanting to make all kinds of lighter knitwear, and a Spring scarf seemed perfect for this color. It’s a bit shorter than I anticipated but I love the openness of the pattern.

I have re-started the shawl that Max ate, and it’s almost back where it was before. I did switch to the bigger needles and like it a lot better. So I guess he kind of did me a favor. Except that he killed my momentum and now I’m slower to get back into it.

The other project on my needles is a cardigan, my first knitted garment. I chose the Lilas Cardigan on Ravelry partly because it looked simple enough for a newbie and partly because I love the big, floppy collar. I’ve had six skeins of Cotton Supreme Splash in my stash for ages, waiting for the right pattern, and I think this is it. I’ve already used up one skein just making the collar.

But here’s the problem: this is boring. It’s a LOT of stockinette. I make it through one row and reward myself with an email or Twitter check. I know I’ll love it when it’s done, I just have to get there. And I think if I can push through to the point where it actually starts looking like a cardigan, I’ll get excited enough to finish.

So today, I have some knitting time. Hmm, what to work on? I think I’ll make another one of those lacy scarves in this CEY Imagine yarn…

Oh, I could just cry

Apr14

My first clue was the yarn label I saw on the floor as I unlocked the back door. A small, intact yarn label…that was in the middle of a ball of yarn when I left the house this morning. As I came inside, I saw a long dark trail along the dining room floor, and I gasped. It was yarn. A long tangled mess of purple yarn. Behind it was a pile of pink yarn. These were neat and tidy balls when I left. After an hour in the house with a bored dog? Not so much.

Near these travesties was another: my cute new YarnPop Gadgety bag was on the floor, intact but muddy and damp.

I was trembling with fear by this point because I knew what was coming. I knew what this yarn had been attached to. I had started a spring shawl for myself yesterday with these gorgeous colors, and I was loving how it was turning out. See, I’ll show you. Before:

Here’s the after:

Sighhhhhh. I know, I know. It could have been so much worse. If I had been gone any longer, the shawl would probably have been gone too. And I wasn’t too far into it, so I wasn’t losing too much time. As it was, I frogged it all very carefully. The yarn is beautiful Simply Sweet Whipped Cream, a blend of wool, mohair and silk. The mohair, which gives it that fuzzy halo, loves to tangle if you pull too quickly. So I worked slowly, making sure to keep my breathing even and steady. And when I was done, I realized I wasn’t really missing much yarn, though it looked my pink yarn ball had babies.

So now I get to start all over with my shawl, as soon as my Gadgety bag is dry. The silver lining is that I can switch to a bigger needle size, which I think will make a better shawl anyway. I’ve also learned that absolutely nothing is safe around this dog. Nothing. I’d cry…but he’s eaten all the tissues.

p.s. for those who are wondering, no, I did not yell at, or punish, the dog since he didn’t know better. It was my mistake to leave it within reach. He got to stay in the kitchen with the door closed while I removed all the evidence.

Coldwater Creek is closing, and I have so many feels

Apr11

I read today that Coldwater Creek has filed for bankruptcy protection and will be closing their stores within the next couple of months. It’s sad because I hate to see any popular retailer like that close, but also because it was my second home for a long time.

I was 29 when I started working part-time at Coldwater Creek. I had been a stay-at-home mom for over four years, and my kids were five and two, and I was itching for more adult social interaction. I was quiet, shy, insecure and timid. Why work retail, then, when I’d have to talk to new people every day? No idea why I latched onto this company, but I was glad I did. When I started with them in 2005, they were passionate about treating people well, both customers and employees. They fostered a warm, close-knit environment. As a result, the team at my first store was very much like my second family. I had more friends, moms and grandmas than I could count.

I blossomed with their love, support and encouragement. Within a year and a half, I had become an assistant manager. Before I knew it, I was helping lead a team of roughly 20 women. I was interviewing and training new employees, leading store meetings, joining in on conference calls…and I was doing it all with growing confidence. I may have been (may still be!) insecure about some things, but I knew that job inside out, and I felt sure that I was doing it in a way that my team appreciated.

In 2010, I became the store manager. It was scary, but not because I worried I couldn’t do the job well. My previous store manager and my district manager were convinced I would succeed. Everyone at my store had given me nothing but encouragement about being their leader, and I was excited to be taking the reins. Now I was in charge of interviewing and hiring the leadership team, I often led conference calls. I stood up in front of the team at every meeting; me, the girl who was petrified about public speaking. I was traveling alone cross-country to attend training sessions with groups of complete strangers…and I loved it. I trained other managers on new software. I drove myself six hours to train another manager–and I had always been terrified of highway driving and getting lost. But I did all these things because I had people counting on me, people who had no doubt I could do them. I had a team of women I loved who loved me, and their support meant the world to me.

I eventually moved to a bigger store, leaving my original family (which had changed a bit over the years) for a new one. I loved this new team too, even though it took a while to build up the connections I’d had with my first team. Again, they were loving and supportive, doing everything they could to help me, and the store, succeed.

I left Coldwater Creek in 2012 for a variety of reasons, but none of them were related to these women. The company had changed over the years; different leaders and different visions plus a recession meant more stress and a focus on profit over service and people. My family life was going through some difficult times, which made it harder for me to focus on work. So I’m a stay-at-home mom again, and I love it. You couldn’t pay me enough to go back to retail. But looking back at these pictures and remembering all the fun times I shared with these women, I can’t help but be nostalgic. Creekers, I love you. I miss you. I hate that there won’t *be* any more Creekers. I’m so grateful I had them to help shape me into who I am now: strong, confident, able to speak my mind and follow my instincts. So thank you, Coldwater Creek, for a great seven years. You’ll be missed.

Today’s Library Books

Apr9

I love trips to the library. As I kid I’d walk there and come home with armloads of books that would keep me quiet for hours. It’s not always the same now, though it still happens from time to time. Today, I just went to pick up one book I had on hold: Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell. I’ve been hearing about her and this book for ages, and I’ve been on the waiting list for ages. Can’t wait to start reading it finally!

But then I browsed through the new non-fiction section, and there’s just SO MUCH interesting stuff! This is what I came home with:

Puppy Bible: because I have a new dog and I figured it’d be smart to see what’s coming next.

My Dog is Driving Me Crazy: see above. Plus I won’t always think his quirks are charming, so I might want to help improve his behavior.

The Art of Cartooning & Illustration: my 10yo son loves drawing and thinks he wants to be a cartoonist when he grows up.

Fine Woodworking Turning Techniques & Projects: my husband is an avid and talented woodworker and one of the things he wants to learn is turning. (And I want him to learn so he’ll make me yarn bowls and knitting needles)

Building Classic Arts & Crafts Furniture: kind of for the husband. We own a house that’s almost 100 years old, and we both like the Arts & Crafts look. I like to dream of the furniture he could make for us.

Home Workshop Storage: Storage is an issue for most artists regardless of the medium, I would think. And with two kids and limited workshop space, I thought Alex might find a helpful idea or two.

And now I get to sit in the sun and read!

Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful

Apr9

Siberian Huskies are gorgeous dogs, and their coloration is so striking that they’re exceedingly photogenic. Max is no exception, especially with his unusually pale ice-blue eyes. He makes it a delightful exercise in photography!

The dog ate my homework!

Apr8

Well, he hasn’t eaten any homework *yet* but give it time: this dog is obsessed with paper. He’s been on several walks with us already and each time he’s found a used napkin, tissue, paper towel, candy wrapper, cigarette butt or something similar to consume. Sometimes I catch him in time to pull him away, sometimes I can get it out of his mouth, and sometimes he even drops it. And then of course sometimes he just chomps away and has a weird snack. Yesterday I left him alone for the first time. I was gone maybe an hour, to Costco to get him some food. I come home to find this:

I laughed and cleaned it up…and decided to keep the bathroom door closed from now on! After lunch today, I grabbed a tissue from the box on the kitchen counter. You guessed it: there was a damp spot and two small holes in it. I have no idea why he decided to leave it in the box. Today, I went to vote, making sure the toilet paper wasn’t accessible. Oops, but my slipper was. It was still intact, but a bit dampish. So was the dust rag he’d found by the basement door, where it was waiting for a load of laundry. I’m glad neither of them suffered the fate of the rope toy that only survived about 8 hours:

I took away the handle once he started tearing it apart to actually eat but the ball is one of his favorite toys now so I’ll let him keep it. Really, he’s much like a baby: it’s a darn good thing he’s cute! Still, if this is the worst that he does, I’m fine with it. Clearly he just gets lonely when we’re all gone. It’s a bit charming how he follows me everywhere I go. Even if I get off the couch just to get a drink, he’ll hop up from a nap and trot with me back and forth. It’ll probably get a bit annoying after a while, but it’s not yet. Neither are the muddy floors. And to be honest, I think the kids really *want* to go to school and truthfully say “The dog ate my homework!”

“It’s exhausting being this cute!”

This Easter, the treat is the basket itself!

Apr7

I finished another project the other day, and I’m quite tickled with it. It was the cutest little bubble bag pattern, and since I’ve been on a felting kick lately, I thought I’d give it a shot with one of the random skeins of wool in my stash. I picked a bright grassy green and cast on, and the knitting went so quickly! It felted quickly too, unlike my last bag. This one only needed two wash cycles and it was ready to dry. After that, I found a pink ribbon to thread through the eyelets, and voila!

It’s small–only 5″ by 7″–but it would easily hold all the essentials. I’m also thinking it would make a great small-project bag! You can easily switch out the ribbon for any other color. For now, though, I’m thinking it needs to hold some Easter eggs!

Available for sale here

Meet Max, our new furry friend

Apr7

This is our new baby, Max. He’s a Siberian Husky, around 11 months old, and we adopted him from a local animal shelter, Wayside Waifs.

Alex and I met him Saturday without telling the kids. Max has juvenile cataracts, which means his vision is impaired, and he wasn’t recommended for a home with small children. We were concerned about taking on a dog with a vision problem, so we wanted to check him out on our own. While we visited with him, we could see that he has adapted quite well to his vision, and he had no problem seeing us, the treats in our hand, or the ball we threw for him.

The vet at the shelter said he didn’t think Max would ever need cataract surgery, though it was something we could opt for if we thought it necessary, which supported the research I had done. Huskies are prone to eye problems, especially cataracts, but juvenile cataracts are different in that they often don’t progress over time and the dog can live quite happily as he is. That eliminated my concern about his health, and I was excited for him to meet the kids.

We made sure to talk to the kids beforehand about his vision, stressing that they would have to make sure not to startle him or come up to him from behind. We were told he had food aggression, so we talked about that too, and how we’d have to keep him separate during meals and have an adult feed him. We talked about his “mouthiness”, which is just him wanting to latch onto things with his jaw and play. As a result, our son, who is smaller and only 10, was a little tentative and hesitant, but couldn’t help but be charmed by Max. Our daughter was in love at first sight. The meeting was smooth sailing, and before long we were all smooshed in the car heading home. I sat in the backseat with my son and Max, and Max had no qualms about sitting, leaning, and laying on me. We also learned that he gives doggie kisses.

It took very little time for Max to adjust. His vision seems to be keeping him from going upstairs inside, but the stairs leading to the yard are no problem at all. A quick trip to the store meant he had new toys, and his favorites are the tennis balls. He’s perfectly content to throw it around and chase it all by himself, though the kids like it when he lets them play too. He’s got a nice backyard with plenty of room, and seemed thrilled when he caught the scent of a mole in the dirt!

Dinnertime was a sweet surprise: we put his food out while we had dinner, and he displayed no aggression whatsoever. He nibbled at his food, then came and watched us intently, but didn’t try to steal any bites and remained calm and civil. He’s more of a beggar than some people might like, but I can work with it, especially since it’s so much better than I expected.

We took him for a walk after dinner, hoping to make sure he was worn out for his first night in a new home, and again he behaved better than expected. He didn’t pull excessively and he didn’t bolt after the squirrels or bark at the other dogs. It’s really amazing how quickly he’s adjusted to being with us, and vice versa. He seems so happy to have a yard, and kids to play with, and people to love. I think he was just waiting for a family who understood him, and I’m so glad we’re that family.

Make New Friends (but remember the old)

Apr6

We’re taking the kids to meet a dog today and I’m nervous. Not that they won’t like each other. Alex and I met the dog yesterday and he’s friendly and charming, and I already know my kids have the potential to be the same. I’m nervous because this is a big commitment. More than the purple hair even. The stakes are higher.

We’ve had dogs before. Our first was when our daughter was a baby, and it didn’t go well for any of us. There just wasn’t enough energy and patience to go around. After that we were cat people…until we determined that same daughter is allergic to cats. By that point, we had two cats. One we had just gotten, and we were able to re-home him with a loving family. Our other cat had been with me for over 15 years, so we dealt with the allergies for a little longer. Once we were cat-free, we bought leather couches and declared ourselves happily pet free. No cat boxes, no dog poop, no fur all over the house! Whee!

Two years ago we got Samson. He was 9. We lost him December 30 of 2013. I’ll tell his story sometime, but not yet. I’m not ready for that yet. Suffice it to say he was the best dog ever, and we realized how much we enjoyed having the company of a furry friend.

We told ourselves we were going to wait before considering another dog. But thanks to animal shelters and dog pictures on Facebook, a dog caught my attention, and I wasn’t sure I really wanted to wait. It would be simpler if we did. Animals need attention and exercise and food and toys and medicine… For a few reasons, we would be better off waiting a few more months before adding to our family. Life isn’t always simple and easy like that, though. Sometimes things happen unexpectedly, good and bad, and you have to roll with them.

This is not going to be a universally popular decision with the extended family. There will be, and have been, people who disagree with our choice. People who think they know better what we need. People who focus on the negative rather than the positive. But even more than the purple hair dissenters, I don’t care, and this time I mean it. I woke up early this morning, excited to go back and see the dog, excited to take the kids to meet him. This feels right to me.

So we’re taking the kids today, and if all goes well, I’ll get to introduce you to our new friend soon.

And remember, if you’re thinking of a pet, please please check your local animal shelters. We’re going to Wayside Waifs today but there are shelters everywhere full of great animals who need a home.

Purple is the color of bravery

Apr4

Purple is my favorite color. It has been as long as I can remember, and by now it is part of my identity. Everybody who knows me at all knows this. It’s not just an “Oh, I kind of like purple” kind of thing. If something can be purple, I want to make it so. I buy purple clothes, purses, jewelry. I have purple shoes and purple cowboy boots. As a teenager, I painted my bedroom dark (very dark) purple. My first brand-new car was a purple Saturn, and when I get my current car paid off, I want to get it custom-painted a glossy royal purple. Most of the yarn I buy is some shade of purple because that’s what calls my name.

A few years ago, I started thinking, “Why not purple hair?”

I never did much with my hair when I was young. It was long and blond, my mother liked it that way, so aside from one disappointing perm when I was 14, I left it alone for a long time. When I went away to college, I felt free enough to experiment a couple of times with box dye, but I was the only one who could tell a difference. I was never bold enough to do something drastic…until I cut it all off.

I got a chin-length bob my senior year in college, and loved it. Nope, my mom didn’t love it, and maybe I would have liked her to pretend, but it didn’t change how I felt about it. And I knew it didn’t change how she felt about me. After that, I experimented with my hair quite often. Since then I’ve been through so many different hairstyles, I can’t count. I did super short, a la Halle Berry. (Sadly, I did not look as good as Halle Berry.) I had an oddly feathered ‘do that was reminiscent of Princess Diana.

With all the different cuts, though, I never dared to mess with the color. As I got older, my hair darkened to an ash blond, so I’ve gotten highlights many times to maintain the illusion of being blond. Shortly after I hit 30, I felt bold enough to go dark, to a brownish auburn. It was a lovely color but when I looked in the mirror, I didn’t see me, and I soon went back to the blond.

A few years ago, I started getting the itch to color my hair purple. When I first mentioned it, my best friend (also my boss) laughed and said that was a crazy idea. My son said the same thing (and I knew my mom would too). I believed them and settled for a bright streak, first pink, then purple. I loved that little bit of color in my hair, and made sure to style it so the color was noticeable. That didn’t quell the urge, though; I wanted more.

I’m a pretty conservative person, and I’ve always been concerned about what people think of me, so most of me couldn’t imagine going for a shade that would turn people’s heads. I was the good daughter, the smart girl, the one who fulfilled expectations and didn’t rock the boat.

The last few years have changed me: I’ve dealt with several deaths in the family, I quit my job to stay at home with my kids, I cut ties with that best friend. Now, I’m tired of being that person. I’m tired of making decisions based on what other people think. When I first floated the idea of dying my hair purple on Facebook, the response was resoundingly positive. Sure, some of the people were probably encouraging me so they could laugh if it looked ridiculous, but I think most of them saw it as I do: a fun expression of creativity and personality.

But what surprised me the most was how many people said they wished they were brave enough to do it. They’d thought of red or pink or blue, but just couldn’t do it. Coloring my hair, brave? I hadn’t thought of it like that. Silly, maybe. Unnecessary, sure. But when I did think about it, I realized they were right. Purple hair gets you noticed. People look and stare and talk. Was I confident enough to be able to pull it off? It’s a big commitment too–I wouldn’t be able to change it easily if I didn’t like it.

I was eager, but scared too. Ultimately I decided that I could choose to be brave. I wanted to be brave enough to do something that scared me. I wanted to do something that might encourage someone else to break free of expectations and do something bold. My life is my own, and I’m learning that I’d much rather try things, even if I fail, than regret not doing them.

Why purple hair? Well, why not? I love purple, why not have a part of me be purple? After all, this is just hair. It can be cut off, it can grow out, it can be re-colored, it can be covered up with a hat. This isn’t brave like soldier-brave or firefighter-brave or policeman-brave. This is just Be Yourself Brave. This is just Try Something for the Fun of It Brave.

So now I have purple hair. It’s darker than I expected, and it’s taking a bit of adjustment. But I love the colors I see in the mirror, even if I’m still learning to see them around my face. I love seeing people’s reactions. Sometimes their mouth drops open and they just stare. Sometimes their face lights up and they say, “I love your hair!” Sure, I get the puzzled looks and the “Wow. You…dyed your hair…purple.” But I also love that none of it really matters to me. Okay, that’s not quite true: it does still matter, a little. I guess what I love is that I’m *trying* to let it not matter. I’m the same person now as I was a week ago, and if someone can’t see past the purple to see that, well, that’s their loss.