Progress on what? Me, I guess – life in general. I haven’t taken any photos of my WIPs to share, though I did buy some new yarn today, as well as some fun little treasures from a new stationery place, May Day Paper & Post, which just happens to be a couple of blocks away from my favorite yarn store. I’ve been focusing on my Kitation shawl and really hope to have it done by the end of the month. With a long weekend in front of me, I think my odds are good!

Other than that, I’ve mostly just been aiming to get from one day to the next lately. Warning – I’m going to share a bit about Grace’s cancer progression, so if you need to stop reading now, I totally understand.

Duncan’s limp has gotten better but he’s lost a lot of stamina. Our walks have been significantly shortened because he has to stop and take breaks – which is fine with me – but I don’t want to overdo it with him. He’s due for his annual exam soon anyway, so I can get the vet’s input then. We’ve been watching a little growth on Jack’s rear leg for months now, and noticed some redness that concerns me, so he goes to the vet on Tuesday. I’d like to have it removed for peace of mind – lumps on dogs worry me more than they used to.

And Grace, bless her little heart. She’s still in good spirits and doesn’t seem to be suffering. She’s lost a lot of muscle mass and has gotten pretty bony. After the initial shrinking when we started the prednisone, the tumor has resumed growing and has gotten quite large. Her breath is awful because she’s a perpetual mouth breather at this point, because the tumor makes the skin of her muzzle protrude so much. A few days ago she went off her kibble, but she was enthusiastic about the canned food I offered instead. Then she decided she didn’t want to eat as much of that. Something upset her system – probably the wet food? – so we were waking up to puddles of poo in the mornings. And the gas – OMG. Honestly, it was an awful couple of days and it made me wonder if we were close to the end.

But then she perked up. Why? Who knows. Maybe she ate something she wasn’t supposed to outside. But she’s happily eating her kibble mixed with wet food again, and still can manage a walk. She’s on a new med and a probiotic which should help with the diarrhea (and hopefully the gas too!). We have so many dog meds going that we keep detailed notes in the kitchen just to make sure we both remember everything.

It’s a lot, friends. I was reading Whit Knits’ blog, and she’s dealing with something similar with one of her cats, and her most recent post ended with this:

I’m also trying to give Ren as much lap and cuddle time as he wants, because he’s clearly fading, but that ends up making me feel a little bit trapped in the Poang chair, which is where he most likes to sit in my lap, and it also makes me just…sad, because I know what’s coming, and it’s not that I want it to come sooner, but this dragged out process of dying, of waiting for him to be doing badly enough that it feels right to ease him gently out, is just emotionally really tough.

And that’s exactly it. I don’t think I can say it any better than that. This process is heartbreaking and slow and I don’t want her to go but I hate watching her fade away. I’m grateful for everything that balances this out – my family, my knitting friends, my work friends, good books and good knitting projects and good TV shows.

If you’re still here – thanks for listening.