Today is my yarniversary. Ten years ago today, I sat down with some pink Red Heart yarn (it’s all I could afford) and the Cool Girl’s Guide to Crochet, and taught myself how to crochet. Now I can’t imagine life without the fiber world.

2012 was a bad year. We lost beloved family members and I was in a job I hated. I’d already planned to quit my job when my dad died in April but losing him cemented the decision. It was the right move but I needed more than that, though I didn’t realize it at first. By November I was deep in depression but didn’t understand it, or didn’t want to admit it — I’m not sure which. I’d never dealt with it in myself before so I didn’t know what was “normal” grief and what was clinical depression. So I was fumbling along, looking for things to distract me and give me a little bit of pleasure, and along came yarn. (And therapy and meds, but that’s another story!)

Within a few months, crochet led to knitting and here I am. Knitting is such a big part of me now; it’s part of my identity that I carry with me everywhere. it’s given me joy and peace, color and creativity, friendship and love. It’s helped give me the confidence to embrace the weirdo that I am.

Every year I write a variation of this post. But I can’t help but appreciate the impact this “little hobby for old ladies” has had on me and my life. So let’s stay together, yarn — forever.

Happy Wednesday, friends.

Next to hats, single skein cowls are one of my favorite things to knit. They’re such a good palate-cleanser and a great way to use up the fun single skeins that I tend to buy. And I love wearing cowls too — the back of my neck always gets cold in the winter! So when I was waiting for the MKAL pattern to drop, I pulled out a skein that was calling my name and cast on a Crocodile Run Cowl, which is free on Rav. Here’s an unblocked and blocked view:

It’s written for DK weight with simple lace. I loved knitting it and really wish I’d been smarter when I cast on and weighed how much each pattern repeat used. I’m pretty sure I ended up with enough yarn to do another repeat. So if you knit one, weigh your yarn after the ribbing and then again after you do the first repeat. That way you’ll be able to check before you start the second round of ribbing and use up as much yarn as you can! Oh, and my yarn is Old Rusted Chair Squish DK in Oil Slick, and I love it so much. It’s hard to see but there are little bits of turquoise and purple in there.

I might have a couple of finished socks by the end of the month too — I think I might need the mindless knitting for some stress relief! I’m helping out with a couple of extra projects at work, and the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday means I have fewer days to get it all done. Plus we have the launch event this week for the veterans resource group I’m helping with, so I’ll be attending a lunch with a bunch of people I don’t know (and hopefully a few I do!). Plus I get to fly on the company plane later this month (not like a huge corporate jet, just a small plane) which is super super cool but also sort of scary because I have to find the hangar at 6:30 am and there are high odds of bigwigs also being present. Plus I have my first colonoscopy next week — I’m not really worried about it, but I’m also not looking forward to it and it’s another day of missed work when I have a lot on my list. ARGH.

So it’s going to be a slightly crazy month, but I think it’ll be manageable. Because do you want to hear something really crazy and scary? My mental health is … pretty good? Like, better than it’s been in a long time? I’m tapering off my antidepressants. I’ve been on a half-dose for a month and now I’m switching to every other day for a couple of weeks. For the first few days, every time I got frustrated or sad about something, I freaked out a little bit and worried I’d made a mistake, but I kept reminding myself that a bad hour or a bad day or even a bad couple of days doesn’t meant I’m not handling it — it just means I’m human. And each time, it’s passed. I’m still cautious, because I’ve been on them for about nine years, but I’ve felt really stable and overall happy the last several months. It’s amazing how much the new job helped. Being in a supportive environment where I feel appreciated and valued and I’m given the opportunity take ownership of projects has been huge. I guess I didn’t realize exactly how much my former job was messing with my head. I’ve also built up more strong friendships over the last year, which has also been enormously helpful. I mean, seriously, my knitting peeps are the best. So … yeah. Maybe it’s overly optimistic to go off the meds at the most stressful time of year when the outside world gets literally dark and cold. But what if it’s not? That’s what I’m holding onto right now.

Happy Monday, friends.